Joke thread

Discussion in 'Community Forum' started by Carl, Aug 3, 2020.

  1. wv67

    wv67 12 pointer

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    Southern wva
  2. Feedman

    Feedman Cyber-Hunter

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    In the basement
    Sign over the bathroom urinal:

    No wonder you go home alone every night.
     
  3. bigbonner

    bigbonner 12 pointer

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    Or the one that says "stand a little closer your willie is not as long as you think it is" ,,
    How do they know this stuff to put up a sign:rolleyes:
     
    Last edited: Oct 17, 2021
    Tankt likes this.
  4. Trapper Delk

    Trapper Delk 12 pointer

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    Central Kentucky.
    Seen one said ladies please stay seated during the entire ride.
    Gentleman please take one step forward
     
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  5. 120+

    120+ 12 pointer

    Wow, you're sick.....I like it!
     
  6. 00noturkey

    00noturkey 12 pointer

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    High Grove
    Women are from Mars, Men are from enis+P. the little brain, out rules the main brain sometimes.. :rolleyes:
     
  7. 00noturkey

    00noturkey 12 pointer

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    High Grove
    He aint got a brain, but is a joke.. the only place E will lead ya, is to the sh-t house..
     
  8. zone1

    zone1 8 pointer

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    Jan 3, 2011
    A woman awakens to the sound of her husband sobbing. She rushes downstairs to find him at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in his hand and tears streaming down his face. She sits down down beside him and asks what's wrong. Do you know what day it is he asks? No she says what day is it. Twenty years ago today was our first date he says. Surprised that he remembers then why are you crying she asks. You remember we were in the backseat and your father opened the door and pointed a shotgun in my face. He said either marry my daughter or spend the next 20 years in prison. She wipes the tears from his face as he continues to sob. He finally controls himself enough to say you know I would have been getting out today.
     
  9. Jmd

    Jmd Spike

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    Sep 26, 2016
    True story. Years ago I delivered to a bar down in tenn. Owner was cleaning cigarette butts out of the urinal and cussing while he did it. He told me he had a sign in front of the urinal but the health dept made him take it down. Sign said : The fingers that clean cigarette butts out of the urinal are the same one's that open your beer.
     
  10. Mt Pokt

    Mt Pokt 8 pointer

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    Campbell County
    Was a baby boy born at UC Hospital last week and the poor guy didn't have any eyelids.

    Kinda spooky actually, but that's besides the point.

    Parents had no options, then a prominent plastic surgeon seen the news story and stepped up with a solution.

    He would save the foreskin from the little feller's circumcision and fashion him some eyelids. Texture was right and was his own flesh so "should" work fine.

    Parents got a couple of other opinions, but without any other alternatives, decided to move forward with the procedure.

    Surgey took like 3 or 4 hours.

    Surgeon met with the parents in the post op meeting room to discuss with the parents.

    Said all went well! Parents asked about any long term issues since this was experimental. Surgeon said he'll be perfectly functional after the scars healed up, except that he would be a little cock-eyed.
     
  11. bigbonner

    bigbonner 12 pointer

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    True so true
    A handsome man and his wife bought a new truck. On the way home the man and his wife stopped by Tractor supply . The man was looking for a cattle prod.
    He wanted one that was the best and sent them most shock that he could find. He tested it out in the store on a shelf and CRACK that you could hear all the way across the store. The man had some calves from a new bull and they were the meanest of the mean kind of calves . You closed them up and go to work or separate them they would flat out chase you down.
    The handsome man pays for the cattle prod and is so happy with it , he held it in his hand all the way to the truck. His wife goes to get in the truck and the man playfully presses the button and lets it off and jokingly sticks it to his wifes butt. Crack goes the cattle prod. Come to find out those things hold a charge after you press and release the power button . My wife screamed and I realized what had happened . To this day I still get reminded of the cattle prod incident:)
     
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  12. zone1

    zone1 8 pointer

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    Four guys go fishing for the weekend. After a while one guy says you won't believe what I have to do for this one weekend. I had to promise my wife I would paint every room in the house. Second guy says I had to promise to build a new deck around the swimming pool. Third guy says you all got off easy I have to remodel the kitchen. They keep on fishing and finally ask the fourth guy what he has to do. Nothing he says. I set the alarm for 5 AM rolled over and ask the wife fishing or sex. She said better take sun block.
     
  13. zone1

    zone1 8 pointer

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    One winter morning, a husband and wife in Detroit were listening to the radio during breakfast. They hear the announcer say "we are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street so the snow plow can get thru. So the good wife went out and moved her car. A week later as they were eating breakfast the announcer on the radio said "we are going to have 6 to 9 inches of snow today. You must park on the odd-numbered side of the street so the snow plow can get thru. So the wife went out and moved her car to the odd-numbered side. A week later the announcer says we are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park
    "then the electric went out". The good wife was upset with a worried look on her face, she said "Honey, I don't know what to do which side of the street do I park on". With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to blondes exhibit, the husband replied. "Why don't you just leave it in garage this time?".
     

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