Give me your honest Opinion

Discussion in 'Community Forum' started by Poppie, Dec 29, 2012.

  1. Poppie

    Poppie Banned

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    Sep 11, 2012
    Me and my ex. Got into a epic screaming match today . The reason behind it is this !! My fourteen year old son broke into a teachers personal locker at school about 2 months ago . They called me up too the school . I talked with the principal and the resource officer about it . He stole some candy bars , and gave them too his friends . Needless too say they wanted to give him 3 days of ISS . I told them I wanted him charged , and prosecuted for it . The principal did not want to do it . I TOLD HIM TOUGH SHITE !! The police officer agreed with me . So he was charged with theft . This morning got served with papers for court on the 7th of January . She went postal on me . I told her he needed this to ne held accountable for his actions . And he needs some probation to keep him in line . So my question is , and be honest do you agree with my decision or not ?
     
  2. AteUp

    AteUp 12 pointer

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    Luavul
    It really does seem like your son went above just making a mistake and was acting in a criminal manner. Maybe this will wake him up. You'll never please your wife BTW. Don't even worry that she doesn't agree with you. That's prolly all the proof you need that you done right.;)
     
  3. Buck_Nasty

    Buck_Nasty 12 pointer

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    Sep 23, 2009
    Laurel County
    In no way would I tell you how to parent your child, but another charge in this matter would be the charges from the ER to remove my size 13 out of his ass as well if it were my son.
     
  4. sheperd

    sheperd 10 pointer

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    Nov 4, 2003
    Bardstown, Ky
    Exactly.

    sent from the doghouse
     
  5. Herby

    Herby 6 pointer

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    As someone who has made some dumb decisions and gotten myself into my share of "trouble". (DUI about a year ago). A little taste of the justice system would likely do him some good.

    You really have to think to yourself about "What kind of kid is he.". If he is generally a good kid a taste of the law will do him some good. He'll learn his lesson and be better off for it. Your wife will realize that as well.
     
  6. Art

    Art 12 pointer

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    Nov 27, 2004
    Lexington, KY
    I don't think you did anything wrong. You care about his well being and you obviously want him to be a stand up guy that is responsible for his actions. You shouldn't apologize for that, and I bet years from now, he'll thank you for doing that.
     
  7. KYBOB

    KYBOB 8 pointer

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    Dec 26, 2009
    Barren Co.
    Which is worse, letting him suffer a bit now , or getting him out every time he messes up and it winding up VERY badly later. You did the right thing. He will probably thank you later
     
  8. Jpierce1

    Jpierce1 6 pointer

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    Oct 16, 2011
    Paducah Ky
    I hate to get too personal, but you said 'ex' and I'm assuming your son lives with his mom? If that's the case I would imagine its much harder for you to intervene with stern parenting, especially because your wife seems to disagree with your ideas and would likely disregard your opinions. (Just speculation, don't mean to step on toes). By that, I would say that you used the resources you had available to execute your parenting.
    I have less faith in the 'justice' system in most cases than I do in good parenting, but I think it depends on how you believe your son will respond as well. He is at the very important age when he has to learn to start acting right because HE wants to start acting right, not because someone else says he has to. When I was 14, I took my parents car for a joyride while they were gone to the store and wrecked it. We just pulled it home with the truck and never involved the law, but that was a wake-up call for me. I quit screwin around and tarted hanging around better people and overall just cleaned up my act. My parents did LESS as far as punishment than I ever could have expected, which made me feel even more guilty. My punishment consisted of several multi-hour lectures from my dad (probably worse than a week in jail, IMO) and a major inteospection by me.
    That being said, these charges just may be his wake-up call, if done right. I think it could also go poorly, if your son perceives that you are just using that as a scapegoat for not wanting to handle it on your own. However, if you explain to him why you did it and how important it is for him to start making good decisions on his own, and all that stuff, it could be the best thing to ever happen to him. Good luck!
     
  9. KYBH4Life

    KYBH4Life Banned

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    Feb 13, 2011
    I think you made the right choice and I have done the same thing. I kicked my 14 year old step-son out of the house after several bad things including stealing my 4 wheeler while I was at work. My mom took him in and while there he stole some stuff off my boat that was in the building. Also he stole her car and totalled it. That's when we pressed charges on him and he was on probabtion. Little did I know at the time he had already stolen one of my rifles and discharged it inside my mom's house.

    As mentioned, don't worry about keeping your wife happy...you gotta do what you gotta do. My wife hates the holidays b/c he isn't allowed into my house. Tough sh!t, she shouldn't have been defending him when all the evidence was pointing at him. Like how did my 4 wheeler magically get 34 miles put on it in 1 single day while I was at work? I caught him by resetting the trip odometer.
     
  10. dpowers

    dpowers 6 pointer

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    Jun 26, 2009
    Shelbyville
    Since you asked. I would go to a counselor to get help on how to deal with your son and help with how to parent, your ex should be there also maybe at separate time at first. ( I am not saying you are doing anything wrong) I have watched this kind of thing go South fast, first it's candy bars next it's jewelry and keeps going. Did you ask him why he thought it was a good ideal to do this and if he thought what would happen when he got caught. Not only is stealing wrong but violating someone person space is wrong. Mom's will always side with the child, they just can't admit it to themselves until it is to late.

    It would depend on if this is just a charge on his record and will it be dropped after probation. I would hate to limit his future over candy bars. Are the courts/legal system going to actually do something to help him learn why it was wrong or is this a one afternoon scare tactic.

    On the other hand He was wrong in stealing and should be punished set the tone early to prevent other misguide judgments. This could be a tipping point and you want to go in the correct direction.

    I wish you good luck and hope it works out for all of you. It will be rough for awhile.
     
  11. ptbrauch

    ptbrauch 12 pointer

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    Nov 10, 2004
    The OC
    Back when I was in the 4th grade, some friends and I went to Kmart. They decided they were going to shoplift something (a GI Joe figure, I think). Our plan was that one friend would leave separately from us. He never got caught. My other friend and I did. We were escorted to the managers office, the police and parents were called. We were searched and he had what ever he was stealing on him. I had nothing.

    I truly did not steal anything and truly never had any intention of doing so, I was just with them when they did. When I got home, I got the belt and grounded. My friend got nothing because as his parents said, thats just what boys do. We also got some sort of summons to some court thing where we had to pay a fine of $25 to some charity. I had to work for mine at $0.25 per chore. His parents paid for his. The third guys parents knew about what he did and also did nothing about it. As a 9 year old, you can probably imagine how upset I was at that whole idea and how unfair it all seemed to me at the time when I never even did what I was presumed to be guilty of.

    Now I know its not directly related specifically to that incident, but years later, one dropped out of high school and last I heard, still lives at home with his mom (this happened about 30 years ago). The other one got two or three women pregnant and bounced around from job to job. Me, I graduated high school, went to college on scholarships, am married to my only wife, who is the mother of my only children.

    Again, I know that one event didnt cause the rest of our lives, but that one event does illustrate the types of parenting I had growing up and the person I turned out to be vs the type of parenting they had and how their lives turned out.
     
  12. sheperd

    sheperd 10 pointer

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    Nov 4, 2003
    Bardstown, Ky
    I truly believe alot of our problems stem from parents coddling kids nowadays. You should have to answer for your actions growing up. Those lessons can be hard but letting kids get away with stealing and disrespecting authority figures has to stop. Taking away tv privileges and cell phones just dont cut it.
    sent from the doghouse
     
  13. keith meador

    keith meador Got the Spotted Fever

    Have you had any issues with any of the other children? Any run ins with the law with them?
     
  14. Strutter

    Strutter Cyber-Hunter

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    USA.
    May want to check, but where I live, if you have a minor that gets put on probation, and for whatever reason he/she breaks that probation, the offense becomes part of their permanent record. Only if they have no other offenses during their probation will it be expunged from their record permanently.
     
  15. justwannafish

    justwannafish 6 pointer

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    Mar 26, 2009
    louisville, ky
    You did the right thing. I've seen too many examples in my personal life of parents enabling their children out of love, and it bites them in the end. If people bail their child out (literally), the child will not learn from it. My mom died at an early age and my dad was stern with me. He had to be, because me and my friends were pretty wild back then. Won't go into detail, but if i was not shown tough love at an early age, i would have ended up like alot of my friends did. Some kids have to learn the hard way, i was one of them. It is better for the child in the long run.
     

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