Dear Lord please give me the strength to stay calm

bird whisperer

12 pointer
Aug 16, 2012
3,280
Hog Town USA
Once agin in my house where there is one extra person living for a bit longer something occurred and someone or a group of individuals decided it was best to keep something to them selves and allow me to discover it upon my own instead of just telling me that it happened when they saw me. Usually its something small like they clogged up the vacuum hose and I get a bit pissed when I turn it on to clean up and the damn thing is clogged the length of the hose. Sometimes its something else that only I can rectify and it is kept quiet until I find it on my own. This time it is more difficult to cover up and way more difficult to correct. I found it odd last evening that both boys and my mother inlaw went to the boys room and went to sleep before my wife even got home from work. This evening I came in late said high to the boys and the MIL. I decide I will flip on the TV and watch something and socialize while we wait for my wife to get home. I instantly yell what the F%^*!!! Then my free-kin MIL has the asinine audacity to say well its been like that for days. I snapped and said you know good and damn well you haven't been watching TV like that and not noticed that crap.

There is a shatter in the left side of the screen. The left 6 inches and the bottom 14 inches are clearly ruined you can see the strike point. I got to the cause of the damage fast but MIL was and is clearly helping cover it up and no one can recall when this happened. There is no way in hell I would have snapped at her like that even a few years ago.

I explained to the 3 of them I am sick of stuff getting broken and no one bothers to tell me. I explain how much worse it is to let me find the problem on my own than to let me know when it happens or when I get home. Most of this is aimed toward the MIL because the kids are not running the vacuum or the dish washer or the laundry. There is one person that usually screws stuff up and allows me to discover the damage on my own.
The 5 year old was quick to begin to take responsibility as the MIL continues to deny knowing. Ultimately the kids were at each other and the 11 year old took some present and threw it in the trash and the 5 year old threw a wooden Santa puppet at him and hit the TV. I feel like this happened yesterday after school and the MIL who spends 16 to 20 hrs a day on our new couch watching our new TV never noticed the fact the screen was shattered.
I spent a month or more researching and comparing flat screens this spring. We had never had a large TV and I had decided it was time to get something the whole family could enjoy. I had been working my ass off and saved overtime and purchased what to us was a nice TV it was a QLED 65 inch. Now its ruined and I have to learn how good the 4 year warranty I purchased really is.

Apologies for the run-on post and nonsence dribble but this has allowed me to calm down to the point of whats it really matter. Im proud of my 5 year old for offering up the cause so quickly and so disappointed in my Mother Inlaw.



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HuntressOfLight

12 pointer
Nov 23, 2019
12,209
Guarding my lovely bluebirds
LOL, sounds like the 5 year old might end up being a great pitcher one day. Also sounds like they may not tell you things, because they know you will throw a temper tantrum, like a little brat. If you want them to tell you things within the future, refrain from spazzing when they do so. Now you guys can spend more quality time together, if you let him throw the cell phones, as well. Could be a truly lovely Christmas.
 

EdLongshanks

12 pointer
Nov 16, 2013
19,856
Northern Kentucky
I will say that I’m not sure my own mother would sell one of my kids out. Grandma loves her grand babies. I think she would encourage them to take responsibility and tell me directly…but I don’t think she would overtly rat them out.
 

baknblack

12 pointer
Jan 30, 2014
2,434
Henry County
I've had my share of the exact same kind of things over the years. It's extremely frustrating. I've flipped my lid a few times after letting it slide and slide. Always felt bad afterwards even though they deserved it. I've kicked more than one family member out of my house after them costing me thousands. Even got a few thank yous years later for calling them out.
Kids will be kids and shit happens. It's never good when a family member has to come live with you. Chin up.
 

carnivore

12 pointer
Nov 17, 2007
11,523
Ky
“Let it go. Its only stuff and people are more important than things.” (The problem with this advice is you are going to bottle it up and explode) Ask me how i know.

Men are large, strong, and rough around the edges BUT the truth is women and kids are ROUGH on everything. Door knobs, couches, carpets, doors, windows, tvs, appliances, shower doors, plumbing, vehicles… etc etc etc. the reason they are rough on stuff is they don’t truly understand what goes into fixing or paying for broken things. And they dont see the BS you have to put up with at work to bring home a dollar.

You can walk around being angry and miserable about it. Or you can make some changes. Part of the reason they dont tell you is they are afraid to piss you off. Even if you dont say anything, they feel it. Like a furnace set to 80 degrees, you may be in the other room but by god they feel it. You need to change the culture in your household and in your own head. (Its not easy) You agree (to them and yourself) to control your anger and they agree to be involved in the fix and the rest of the family pays half (or all) either in direct or indirect labor. When this stuff happens look at it as an opportunity for your kids to grow, not as loosing weeks paycheck. (Way way easier said than done)

i had the exact same problem (cost me my previous fiancee and almost my current wife) so im not talking down to you, im right there with you. Its a natural reaction to being unappreciated. Not only are you the one loosing time and money you are also looked at as the asshole for “being mean.” That might even be the most infuriating part.

You are right, they are wrong. but do you want to be right, or do you want you and your family to be happy?
When the sink clogs up they help me fix it. = (No more grease down the drains). Broken door? I take them to the store to get a new one, look at the price and tell them i dont have enough money yet. We leave empty handed, put up a jar and we put money in it till there’s enough. That delay (not having a door) even if its a few weeks, teaches them. Same thing with the tv. Put up a jar, KEEP IT POSITIVE!!! Everyone will chip in and in a few months get a new smaller tv (maybe a Craigslist used one). Slowly over time they will learn consequences and responsibility. You have to celebrate the progress and small victories to keep motivated and positive.

It will take awhile for you to get this right, but channel that anger into motivation to using these events to help your kids grow. Look at it like a game. If you get pissed you lose, if you can get them to grow you win. And when you win you wont really care about a broken tv.

I'm not going to comment much on the mother in law. My EX moved her mom in years back after she lost her draw money and ODed on pills (because getting a job didnt seem like an option). After 3 days (of dealing with her nonsense) i hung a noose above her bed (in my house) with a note on it that said “please just get it over with!” She moved out the next day and my relationship ended soon after. I wouldn’t suggest my strategy.

With all that said if none of that proves helpful, i pray you get a burst of energy to find the strength to keep on keeping on and hope just getting it out /venting was good enough.
 
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JR in KY

12 pointer
Jan 25, 2006
6,529
The Occupied South
Someone (adult) would be LEAVING if I caught them lying to me about something like that!

Kid would be punished (taking into consideration his age & the fact that he did 'fess up) but the adult who not only lied but tried to convince the kid to would be OUTTA HERE!
That Probably isn't feasible, even though you may want her gone. Wifey has her mom there for better or worse, and its most always worse. But you Marry the whole Damfamily when you say "I Did" and fools and folly come in Every family.
Kids break stuff and its just a TV....easily replaced at Wal-Mart with another one.
Shit Happens.
 

Little FR

12 pointer
Nov 10, 2021
4,693
West Kentucky
That Probably isn't feasible, even though you may want her gone. Wifey has her mom there for better or worse, and its most always worse. But you Marry the whole Damfamily when you say "I Did" and fools and folly come in Every family.
Kids break stuff and its just a TV....easily replaced at Wal-Mart with another one.
Shit Happens.
It doesn’t sound like it’s so much the TV. As it is instilling deceit into young impressionable children’s personality.

If you have an accident in your work truck, nothing will happen if you are honest. If you lie, you’ll be fired. It’s not a good habit to get into.

Besides. In laws are soul sucking, judgmental knit pickers. (That’s a blanket statement, no, it’s not fair to the 5% that aren’t like that). Ive experienced the fallout of this situation multiple times. Helping a friend move out from his MIL and ex wife’s house now.
 


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