skin_dog1
05-14-2009, 11:24 PM
Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists,
Marxists and Obama supporters,
We've stuck together since the late 1950s, but the whole of this latest
election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know that
we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future
generations, but sadly this relationship has run its course. Our two
ideological sides of America cannot and just will not ever agree on
what's right. So let's just end it right now while we can do it on
friendly terms. We can smile, shake hands, chalk it up to irreconcilable
differences and each go our own way.
So here's a model separation agreement.
Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by land mass, each
taking a portion. That's going to be the difficult part, but I'm sure
our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be
relatively easy. Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide
other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate taste. We
don't like redistributive taxes so you can have those. You are welcome
to the liberal judges and the ACLU. And since you hate guns and you hate
war, we'll take the firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. You
can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell. But you are going to
be responsible for finding a biodiesel vehicle big enough to haul them
around.
We'll keep the capitalism, the greedy corporations, the pharmaceutical
companies; we will keep Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have the
homeless, the homeboys, the hippies and illegal aliens. We will keep the
hot Alaskan hockey moms, the greedy CEOS and all of the rednecks. We'll
keep the Bibles and we'll let you have NBC and Hollywood.
You can be nice to Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to
invade and hammer anybody that threatens us. You can have the peaceniks
and the war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under
assault, we will provide them with security. You won't have to worry
about it. We will keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to
Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley Maclaine. You can also have the
UN, but we will no longer pay the bill.
We will keep the SUVs, the pickup trucks and the oversize luxury cars.
You can have the compacts, the subcompacts and every Subaru station
wagon you can find. You can give everybody healthcare, if you can find
any practicing doctors. We will continue to believe that healthcare is a
privilege and not a right. We will keep "The Battle Hymn of the
Republic" and the national anthem, and I am sure you will be happy to
substitute in their place "Imagine." I'd like to teach the world to sing
"Kumbaya" or "We are the world." We will practice trickle-down economics
and you can give trickle-up poverty your best shot. And since it so
offends you, we will keep our history, our name and our flag.
Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along other like-minded
liberal and conservative patriots. And if you do not agree, just hit
delete. In the friendly spirit of parting, I'll bet you ANWAR which one
of us will need whose help in about 15 years.
Sincerely,
John J Wall
Law student and an American
P.S. You can also have Barbara Streisand and Jane Fonda
Marxists and Obama supporters,
We've stuck together since the late 1950s, but the whole of this latest
election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know that
we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future
generations, but sadly this relationship has run its course. Our two
ideological sides of America cannot and just will not ever agree on
what's right. So let's just end it right now while we can do it on
friendly terms. We can smile, shake hands, chalk it up to irreconcilable
differences and each go our own way.
So here's a model separation agreement.
Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by land mass, each
taking a portion. That's going to be the difficult part, but I'm sure
our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be
relatively easy. Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide
other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate taste. We
don't like redistributive taxes so you can have those. You are welcome
to the liberal judges and the ACLU. And since you hate guns and you hate
war, we'll take the firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. You
can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell. But you are going to
be responsible for finding a biodiesel vehicle big enough to haul them
around.
We'll keep the capitalism, the greedy corporations, the pharmaceutical
companies; we will keep Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have the
homeless, the homeboys, the hippies and illegal aliens. We will keep the
hot Alaskan hockey moms, the greedy CEOS and all of the rednecks. We'll
keep the Bibles and we'll let you have NBC and Hollywood.
You can be nice to Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to
invade and hammer anybody that threatens us. You can have the peaceniks
and the war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under
assault, we will provide them with security. You won't have to worry
about it. We will keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to
Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley Maclaine. You can also have the
UN, but we will no longer pay the bill.
We will keep the SUVs, the pickup trucks and the oversize luxury cars.
You can have the compacts, the subcompacts and every Subaru station
wagon you can find. You can give everybody healthcare, if you can find
any practicing doctors. We will continue to believe that healthcare is a
privilege and not a right. We will keep "The Battle Hymn of the
Republic" and the national anthem, and I am sure you will be happy to
substitute in their place "Imagine." I'd like to teach the world to sing
"Kumbaya" or "We are the world." We will practice trickle-down economics
and you can give trickle-up poverty your best shot. And since it so
offends you, we will keep our history, our name and our flag.
Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along other like-minded
liberal and conservative patriots. And if you do not agree, just hit
delete. In the friendly spirit of parting, I'll bet you ANWAR which one
of us will need whose help in about 15 years.
Sincerely,
John J Wall
Law student and an American
P.S. You can also have Barbara Streisand and Jane Fonda