C.L.Button
01-20-2009, 11:22 AM
> Posted to Craig's List Personals:
>
> To the Guy Who Mugged Me Downtown (Downtown, Savannah
>
>
> I was the guy with the black Burberry jacket that you demanded I hand
> over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend. You also
> asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I hope you somehow come across
> this message. I'd like to apologize.
>
> I didn't expect you to crap your pants when I drew my pistol after you took
> my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening, and
> it wasn't that cold outside. You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that
> Kimber 1911 .45 ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder
> holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? It's a very intimidating
> weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it?
>
> I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to wherever you'd
> come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your droopy pants. I'm
> sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes, cellphone,
> and wallet with me. I couldn't have you calling up any of your buddies to
> come help you try to mug us again. I took the liberty of calling your mother, or
> "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your
> situation. I also bought myself some gas on your card. I gave your shoes to one of
> the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all of the cash in
> your wallet, then I threw the wallet itself in a dumpster.
>
> I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell. They'll be on your
> bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Alltel recently shut down the line,
> and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I don't know
> what's going on with that. I hope they haven't permanently cut off your service.
> I was about to make some threatening phone calls to the DA's office with it.
> Oh well.
>
> So, about your pants. I know that I was a little rough on you when you did
> this whole attempted mugging thing, so I'd like to make it up to you. I'm sure
> you've already washed your pants, so I'd like to help you out. I'd like to
> reimburse you for the detergent you used on the pants. What brand did you use,
> and was it liquid or powder? I'd also like to apologize for not killing you
> and instead making you walk back home humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll
> reconsider your choice of careers. Next time you might not be so lucky. If you
> read this message, email me and we'll do lunch and laundry. Peace!
>
> To the Guy Who Mugged Me Downtown (Downtown, Savannah
>
>
> I was the guy with the black Burberry jacket that you demanded I hand
> over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend. You also
> asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I hope you somehow come across
> this message. I'd like to apologize.
>
> I didn't expect you to crap your pants when I drew my pistol after you took
> my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening, and
> it wasn't that cold outside. You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that
> Kimber 1911 .45 ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder
> holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? It's a very intimidating
> weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it?
>
> I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to wherever you'd
> come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your droopy pants. I'm
> sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes, cellphone,
> and wallet with me. I couldn't have you calling up any of your buddies to
> come help you try to mug us again. I took the liberty of calling your mother, or
> "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your
> situation. I also bought myself some gas on your card. I gave your shoes to one of
> the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all of the cash in
> your wallet, then I threw the wallet itself in a dumpster.
>
> I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell. They'll be on your
> bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Alltel recently shut down the line,
> and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I don't know
> what's going on with that. I hope they haven't permanently cut off your service.
> I was about to make some threatening phone calls to the DA's office with it.
> Oh well.
>
> So, about your pants. I know that I was a little rough on you when you did
> this whole attempted mugging thing, so I'd like to make it up to you. I'm sure
> you've already washed your pants, so I'd like to help you out. I'd like to
> reimburse you for the detergent you used on the pants. What brand did you use,
> and was it liquid or powder? I'd also like to apologize for not killing you
> and instead making you walk back home humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll
> reconsider your choice of careers. Next time you might not be so lucky. If you
> read this message, email me and we'll do lunch and laundry. Peace!