lady friends?

[corndogggy]

Didn't know how to title this, but I guess I am wondering, is it possible for a married guy to have a girl as a really close friend? I'm in a band with a female lead singer and we're both ate up with trying to improve the band, so we have been talking quite a bit, and this leads to talking about other non-band related subjects, and before you know it, we've been on the phone for an hour. Obviously this drives my wife crazy, which is understandable, but I don't exactly have many good friends, and it's just nice to be able to talk to somebody other than my wife, regardless of if that person is male or female. I have no intention of leaving or cheating, but since my wife is an attorney, she sees divorces all the time, and says it always starts like this. So, my question is that have any of you married guys maintained a close relationship with a lady friend over a long period of time or is it just a recipe for disaster??? :o

[trust me]

You already know the answer. Your wife gave it to you.

There are emotional affairs and there are physical affairs and one has a habit of turning into the other. When you are getting any of your needs met by someone other than spouse, you're heading for trouble.

Today's counseling session is on the house. Next time it's 75 bucks an hour, cash only.

[Art]

Oh boy......I have had close relationships with other women, before and after marriage. I personally think the friendships are genuine, but I also think there's that sexual tension, especially at times where the contact is just person to person. That's just the way it is. It doesn't mean you're going to get it on, or want to cheat, but I think it opens the mind up to that possibility. Your mind HAS to entertain that possibility or you wouldn't be human.

Don't get me wrong, this is somewhat the same situation in which I met my wife while I was dating a girl, but if your love is strong then you can always control the situation. If you can't, then there's a good bet there were previous cracks, shortcomings, and unfulfilled desires in your current marriage that would eventually show at some point anyways.

[pentail]

since it won't let me just type in the word no, then I will type in

NO

[KYHUNTER14]

I think your wife is probably right.

[Art]

Dang it! I didn't answer your question. Yes, I do maintain a healthy relationship, but it doesn't intrude on my marriage and I put my wife's needs from me above the friendship needs of other women.

[corndogggy]

I guess it just ticks me off because she has a couple of guy friends whom she used to be really close to and I was supposed to ignore it or at least totally accept it. She went to school with them so supposedly they were like brothers, but she still did some things that I didn't exactly approve of. Now that it's the other way around, it's really bad for some reason, and because of that, I'm supposed to cut ties with a really good friend, maybe even quit my band? :rolleyes:

[Hammer]

I have several close friends who are women, and my wife has no problem with it. That tends to happen because my field of work is so dominated by women. Just make sure to let your wife know everything that is going on; don't be secretive while on the phone, etc. Not all women are as understanding and non-jealous like my wife though! My wife only gets jealous when a stranger in public is making eyes at me. :D

[Art]

I guess it just ticks me off because she has a couple of guy friends whom she used to be really close to and I was supposed to ignore it or at least totally accept it. She went to school with them so supposedly they were like brothers, but she still did some things that I didn't exactly approve of. Now that it's the other way around, it's really bad for some reason, and because of that, I'm supposed to cut ties with a really good friend? :rolleyes:

Damn Corndoggy, your problem is that you just haven't figured out women yet. It has nothing to do with anything you've mentioned.:D It's ALWAYS ok if they do it, but it's always WRONG if you do it.

[treerat]

i have several woman that are just friends,,,we talk once in a great while on the phone and in person,,,but thats as far as it goes,,,,wife has a few men that she is friends with too,,,,,,,trustme had a very good point,,,,,,,and i only charge $50.00 an hour,:D

[Art]

Have your wife goto some gigs with you, and do other stuff with your friend,

I thought you were going to a totally different place with this. I need to get my mind out of the gutter, please pass the butter.:D

[deadaim]

NO NO NO you are just asking for trouble.....I have learned this the hard way even if you have the best of intentions and do nothing wrong. It is a recipe for TROUBLE.........

[CUZZIN]

As the old saying goes one thing leads to another.

[12 pointer]

NO NO NO you are just asking for trouble.....I have learned this the hard way even if you have the best of intentions and do nothing wrong. It is a recipe for TROUBLE.........

Oh boy, yuo better listen to these guys. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Trustme said it better than any!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[predator]

You already know the answer. Your wife gave it to you.

There are emotional affairs and there are physical affairs and one has a habit of turning into the other. When you are getting any of your needs met by someone other than spouse, you're heading for trouble.

Today's counseling session is on the house. Next time it's 75 bucks an hour, cash only.

since it won't let me just type in the word no, then I will type in

NO

Damn Corndoggy, your problem is that you just haven't figured out women yet. It has nothing to do with anything you've mentioned.:D It's ALWAYS ok if they do it, but it's always WRONG if you do it.

NO NO NO you are just asking for trouble.....I have learned this the hard way even if you have the best of intentions and do nothing wrong. It is a recipe for TROUBLE.........

As the old saying goes one thing leads to another.

Print these suggestions off and keep them where you can read and reread them very often!!!:eek:

[RocketRider]

Oh, boy...you're kicking a box of dynamite there pal! Couple that with the band and entertainment atmosphere, not good. You'd better pack a bag of ice in your shorts for a while....I know from experience. :D

RR~






'Is that a rocket in your pocket, or are you glad to see me?' :eek:

[DearDoctor]

Print these suggestions off and keep them where you can read and reread them very often!!!:eek:
Listen to Predator

[turk2di]

I guess it just ticks me off because she has a couple of guy friends whom she used to be really close to and I was supposed to ignore it or at least totally accept it. She went to school with them so supposedly they were like brothers, but she still did some things that I didn't exactly approve of. Now that it's the other way around, it's really bad for some reason, and because of that, I'm supposed to cut ties with a really good friend, maybe even quit my band? :rolleyes:

Don't cut ties. If you only have close male friends, then that cuts out half the worlds population of humans. Its a trust factor. I have a couple very close friends that are women. My wife trusts me & i trust her, so no problems!!

[KYhunter79]

You already know the answer. Your wife gave it to you.

There are emotional affairs and there are physical affairs and one has a habit of turning into the other. When you are getting any of your needs met by someone other than spouse, you're heading for trouble.

Today's counseling session is on the house. Next time it's 75 bucks an hour, cash only.

Very well said.

I'm not married but I agree. I think we all know ourselves. I've never been anything but faithful in any relationship, but, we all know what we were capable of.

I also agree with Art about the sexual tension that WILL be present. He's right, we're all human.

[KYHUNTER14]

Here's the million dollar question, that I am sure all the guys here want to know:

Is the female band member hot?

[Art]

Here's the million dollar question, that I am sure all the guys here want to know:

Is the female band member hot?

Yeah. We'll need to see a picture of her and your wife to give you the best answer.:D

I guess I'm the only one here who thinks it is possible to maintain a friendship and the marriage?

[gobbl4me]

Yeah. We'll need to see a picture of her and your wife to give you the best answer.:D

I guess I'm the only one here who thinks it is possible to maintain a friendship and the marriage?

Naw art your not the only one. I have lots of female friends and i am married. My wife knows all of them and she has no problem with me being friends with them.

mike

[carpenterguy]

I thought you were going to a totally different place with this. I need to get my mind out of the gutter, please pass the butter.:D


I thought i was the only one:rolleyes::D

[buckfever]

before you know it, we've been on the phone for an hour.

Have you ever talked to any guy (best friend or not) on the phone for an hour??? I think you'll find the answer to your question by answering this question. ;)

Jiminy, I can't remember a single time in my life when I chit-chatted with some other guy on the phone for over an hour. I'd be afraid the "man police" would show up and take my "Man Card" away. :D

[barney]

Yeah. We'll need to see a picture of her and your wife to give you the best answer.:D

I guess I'm the only one here who thinks it is possible to maintain a friendship and the marriage?

Friendship with a lady? Absolutly! Close friendship with a lady? Absolutly NOT! And the reason for this is rudimentary, as it lies in our jeans.....or is that genes?:D

[Deer Hunter]

Didn't know how to title this, but I guess I am wondering, is it possible for a married guy to have a girl as a really close friend? I'm in a band with a female lead singer and we're both ate up with trying to improve the band, so we have been talking quite a bit, and this leads to talking about other non-band related subjects, and before you know it, we've been on the phone for an hour. Obviously this drives my wife crazy, which is understandable, but I don't exactly have many good friends, and it's just nice to be able to talk to somebody other than my wife, regardless of if that person is male or female. I have no intention of leaving or cheating, but since my wife is an attorney, she sees divorces all the time, and says it always starts like this. So, my question is that have any of you married guys maintained a close relationship with a lady friend over a long period of time or is it just a recipe for disaster??? :o

I had a friend of mine who played in alot of different bands over the years and i remember him talking about this very thing once. He said he has seen alot of bands break up because of a female band member. It seems like someone always starts fooling arround with her and usually she is married to begin with. I seen that very same thing happen in a band that i use to play in. I have also had a woman friend who i thought was just a great friend, one that i enjoyed talking to who happened to be what use to be my best friends wife. And i know all of you are thinking i am lieing here but i did not provoke any of it and she was the one who came on to me. BUT ! I should have been the one who kept it from going any futher than it did. So i am totaly at fault there. But i truly never thought that there was nothing more than just a great friendship in the makings there but then again that just goes to show you dont know what the other person might be thinking. So i guess the question i have to ask you corndoggy is do you know what she has on her mind for sure ? And i would say that yes a person can have opposite sex friends and i do now and i am married. But i have learned that for me it is best to not get real close friends with a woman. Exspecially if i want to stay married to the one i am with now. :D

[maxcam]

It sounds like your wife is jealous that you spend an hour talking to your lead singer about stuff other than about the band.......Perhaps she is only asking for more attention and quality time to assure her that she is still your "best friend"..............

[Quickdraw Limpsalot]

Like EVERYONE else already said... you're asking for it. Especially since your wife's a friggin' attourney!!!

[maxcam]

i know all of you are thinking i am lieing here but i did not provoke any of it and she was the one who came on to me. BUT !

Dude.....I think we all here know its always the woman's fault.......We would all be living in paradise right now if they werent so good at what they do! :cool:

[Snareman2]

The ingredients are there, when are you going to make that disaster soup? Take afew bites of that, and you'll come back to reality. Only problem, it's usually to late to fix, and you can never rewind the tape. Good Luck.

[Redlined]

If you're gonna be "really good friends" with a woman, you better make sure she's uglier than a mud fence on a wet day. The other alternative is to go get banded(sorry about the pun:D). From this side of things, it sounds like you're playin' with fire...........

[NonTyp]

I think everything will be fine till you and wifey have a good spat and afterwards you confide in your gal pal. Funny things happen when you are not thinking straight. When all you are seeing is the bad part of one person that seems to enhance the good side of another. Just a few things time has taught me.

[Art]

Have you ever talked to any guy (best friend or not) on the phone for an hour??? I think you'll find the answer to your question by answering this question. ;)

Jiminy, I can't remember a single time in my life when I chit-chatted with some other guy on the phone for over an hour. I'd be afraid the "man police" would show up and take my "Man Card" away. :D

Thanks. I feel gay now. What if the conversation wandered from hunting, to diesel trucks, to the economy? Does that mean I'm gay? Maybe it was only 59 minutes.

[12 pointer]

Thanks. I feel gay now. What if the conversation wandered from hunting, to diesel trucks, to the economy? Does that mean I'm gay? Maybe it was only 59 minutes.

Art, you haven't nothing to worry about. Heck, we set here sometimes on this site for hours back and forth and not a hot chick in sight. Does this mean we are all Homosexual?????????:eek::D

Guarantee I aint!!!!!!!!!!!!:D

[corndogggy]

Have you ever talked to any guy (best friend or not) on the phone for an hour??? I think you'll find the answer to your question by answering this question. ;)

Actually, yeah I do, and if it's not on the phone, it's in person. I'll tell her I'm going to talk to one of my buddies at the local guitar shop for a few minutes then I'll come back 3 hours later. I just get caught up in conversations with my friends and it's like a time warp.

[Art]

Art, you haven't nothing to worry about. Heck, we set here sometimes on this site for hours back and forth and not a hot chick in sight. Does this mean we are all Homosexual?????????:eek::D

Guarantee I aint!!!!!!!!!!!!:D

Speak for yourself! I got a 24" monitor an I can multi-task.:D

[12 pointer]

Speak for yourself! I got a 24" monitor an I can multi-task.:D

You ain't right!!!!!!!!!!!:eek:

[KYBOY]

Well I think its entirely possible but you must adhere to the DOUBLE STANDARD GUIDELINES.....
If you talk to your friend for an hour you must in turn spend at least two with your wife..
Its ok if they do it but not if you do it..Thats just the way it is, get use to it..

[Sand Gap Sniper]

nooooooooooo!!!

[corndogggy]

Here's the million dollar question, that I am sure all the guys here want to know:

Is the female band member hot?

:D She's nice looking for her age. She's 44, which is 12 years older than me though, so I'm not drooling and such since I'm used to my wife, who looks like she's still in college. Don't want to post pics, seems kinda rude.

[Cornpile]

You dont need to post the whole pic,just from the neck down.Most of these guys should be able to tell you to be friends or not then.:D:D:D:D

[Feedman]

You are on the road to trouble. Women can control who they are friends with and sleep with. Men cannot. It is the curse that men have. It happens, one thing leads to another and before you know it, BOOM. Your wife being an attorney means that you are double screwed.

[CUZZIN]

I think you need to be a man and find a couple buddies to hang out with and throw a few beers back solving a few of the worlds problems. Do believe that would be a whole lot better than sharing secrets with another woman, good grief that stuff you do with your wife not someone else.

[Big_country]

I think you need to be a man and find a couple buddies to hang out with and throw a few beers back solving a few of the worlds problems. Do believe that would be a whole lot better than sharing secrets with another woman, good grief that stuff you do with your wife not someone else.


I'm with Cuzz, Take his man card.:D LOL

[daking]

Sorry, Corndoggy, but there's nothing funny down that road. I don't care how innocent it seems right now, somewhere, somehow, it's going to turn to fecal material in a nasty way....and there are hundreds of nasty ways for it to take that turn. I take you at your word that you have no bad intent. It doesn't matter. You're dealing with hormones and two women, both who will see each other as a rival of some sort.

Better you get a dog. Women seldom get jealous or possessive of a dog.

[Art]

After reading this, I'm getting curious as to how many of you fellas have stepped out on your wife or GF.:D

[MsgMills]

Man Law 102.....No real women friends....Leads to bitter situations with the wife and or Girl Friend.......

[Art]

Man Law 102.....No real women friends....Leads to bitter situations with the wife and or Girl Friend.......

Whomever wrote that law obviously had a certain part of their manhood stuffed deep within their wife's purse.

[trust me]

After reading this, I'm getting curious as to how many of you fellas have stepped out on your wife or GF.:D

It's not a matter of having done it; it's a matter of being married long enough to know that it really can happen and actually does happen, all too often.

Play with fire long enough, and you'll get burned.

[Art]

It's not a matter of having done it; it's a matter of being married long enough to know that it really can happen and actually does happen, all too often.

Play with fire long enough, and you'll get burned.

I guess I'm old school. You guys make it sound like it's an unconscious mistake that you can't control. IMO, nobody that honestly loves and respects their wife or husband would let it get to the point of no return. people cheat to fill a void.

It happens, but I think it's a side effect of a bad marriage or cracks that were present before it ever happened. The simple fix for this is that Corndoggy needs to tell this woman that he enjoys her company, but he enjoys his wife's company more. If she's ok with that, then she's a friend, if not, then he needs to step away from anything but professional contact.

[trust me]

. IMO, nobody that honestly loves and respects their wife or husband would let it get to the point of no return. people cheat to fill a void.
.

Good points. All marriages aren't perfect, and there are times you can cross that point of no return and not really care (at the time.) Of course, when all hell breaks loose the next day you'll wish it had never happened.

Flirting and dallying are just like drugs or booze. Sometimes you can control it and sometimes you are just fooling yourself. Best just to leave it alone.

[gobbl4me]

So what you guys are saying is if your a man you can't have a female friend. Thats to funny if your in a room with women you know don't talk to them or you might wind up doing something you might regret. What a load of horse ****. I to wonder how many of you dear abby types have cheated on your wives and or girlfriends.

mike

[daking]

The problem is not that guys cannot have women friends. People can have all sorts of friends. The problem is the expectations that friends can have. It's also what Momma thinks about it.

Put yourself in Momma's position. What if she had a guy friend (not gay) who is her main confidante. At some point, you're gonna wonder about what's going on. Even if nothing is going on (and the whole thing may be innocent), it will eventually cause some jealousy.

The friend may also develop expectations that can't be met. That will wreck a friendship. Either way, it's very likely to become a problem.

As for asking who has broken their vows, I'm going to answer for everybody here. No you haven't. Even if you have, you haven't. Going to confession should be done in church where the priest is required by God to keep the results of the confession to himself. Whether you have or you haven't don't ever discuss it in a forum where anyone in the world (such as divorce lawyers, jealous husbands, wives and girlfriends) are a few keystrokes from seeing a stupid public confession. Even if you've done a little sport canoodling, should you publicly subject your wife (or husband for that matter), your kids, your parents and other people who love you to a public exposition of your misguided behavior? C'mon guys. Think this through.

[12 pointer]

So what you guys are saying is if your a man you can't have a female friend. Thats to funny if your in a room with women you know don't talk to them or you might wind up doing something you might regret. What a load of horse ****. I to wonder how many of you dear abby types have cheated on your wives and or girlfriends.

mikeWhat is evident is you aren't experienced enough to realize what we are talking about. No one says you can't Talk to a girl that is in the room. This is on a total different level. As already stated, you play with fire, you will get burned. It's a situation better left out of a marriage. He is 32 she is 44. She is loving that attention. Wether he knows it or not. I bet she don't have an old man at home at all or has one that is liking it one bit. This leads to no where. Well, to the court house.:D

[Feedman]

After reading this, I'm getting curious as to how many of you fellas have stepped out on your wife or GF.:D

I think that it is not a question of how many have cheated. I thinik that a lot of us are old and have seen it happen many times to friend and family.

[gobbl4me]

What is evident is you aren't experienced enough to realize what we are talking about. No one says you can't Talk to a girl that is in the room. This is on a total different level. As already stated, you play with fire, you will get burned. It's a situation better left out of a marriage. He is 32 she is 44. She is loving that attention. Wether he knows it or not. I bet she don't have an old man at home at all or has one that is liking it one bit. This leads to no where. Well, to the court house.:D

I am 46 yrs old and have been married almost 20 yrs. Just what experience are you talking about, and of that twenty yrs most of it was in the military where i interacted with females everyday and some of them i consider friends. I have 4or 5 close friends in church also we hug everytime we see each other there's nothing sexual about that. My wife see's this and thinks nothing of it cause there is nothing there to think about. So once again i ask what experience are you talking about?

mike

[buckfever]

I have 4or 5 close friends in church also we hug everytime we see each other there's nothing sexual about that. My wife see's this and thinks nothing of it cause there is nothing there to think about. So once again i ask what experience are you talking about?

mike

I think the problem people are having is not the fact this his "friend" happens to be a girl, but that he's spending what seems to me to be spending a lot of time on the phone with her instead of his wife.

It appears to many (myself included) that Corndoggy is perilously close to prioritizing his "friend" over his wife.

Not only do you have the whole sexual tension issue, you also have the issue of whether Corndoggy is beginning to "relate" to this other woman more than his wife.

I don't think Corndoggy mentioned being attracted to his new "friend", so it's possible that he truly has platonic intentions and won't ever have that latent sexual stuff weighing on him, but I don't know how you get around the fact that he's spending a good amount of limited free time giving his time/attention to a woman other than his wife.

[12 pointer]

I am 46 yrs old and have been married almost 20 yrs. Just what experience are you talking about, and of that twenty yrs most of it was in the military where i interacted with females everyday and some of them i consider friends. I have 4or 5 close friends in church also we hug everytime we see each other there's nothing sexual about that. My wife see's this and thinks nothing of it cause there is nothing there to think about. So once again i ask what experience are you talking about?

mike

That sentence right here is where I based my opinion from........

Thats to funny if your in a room with women you know don't talk to them or you might wind up doing something you might regret.

There is a big difference from speaking to women in room as casual conversation as opposed to talking on the phone with them an hour on end.

You been around as long as you say, you know it is not always gonna be harmless. I too have Church friends, nothing is thought of in that enviroment, You go home from church, work, band, and call tht woman and sit on th phone with her for an hour. Then tell me what your wife thinks of it. You know not all situations are as trusting as you say yours is.

[drakeshooter]

Listen to Billy Crystal:

Women and men can't be friends part I:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zFWGOKuFyjk

Part II:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PuSyX2d1tbY&feature=related

[CUZZIN]

Didn't know how to title this, but I guess I am wondering, is it possible for a married guy to have a girl as a really close friend? I'm in a band with a female lead singer and we're both ate up with trying to improve the band, so we have been talking quite a bit, and this leads to talking about other non-band related subjects, and before you know it, we've been on the phone for an hour. Obviously this drives my wife crazy, which is understandable, but I don't exactly have many good friends, and it's just nice to be able to talk to somebody other than my wife, regardless of if that person is male or female. I have no intention of leaving or cheating, but since my wife is an attorney, she sees divorces all the time, and says it always starts like this. So, my question is that have any of you married guys maintained a close relationship with a lady friend over a long period of time or is it just a recipe for disaster??? :oDo you play in this so called band for a living, while your wife has a very professional job? If so you need to get a real job and leave the night life for the teenagers, I'm sure the wife would like the help with the extra income also. Spend the extra time with the little woman I'm sure she will appreciate it. Like I said find some buddies to hang out with and spill your guts if needed to, gonna save a lot of heart aces down the road.

[Ky'sFinest]

Listen to Billy Crystal:

Women and men can't be friends part I:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zFWGOKuFyjk

Part II:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PuSyX2d1tbY&feature=related


funny.

sometimes you may feel something that may lead to bad things, use your gut feeling and tread lightly.

no one rule or way of looking at things will be true 100% of the time. just recognize reality and control yourself.

[gobbl4me]

Ok here are a couple of questions.

1. What is the alloted amount of time that a man should talk to a woman on the phone?

2. Whats the difference between being gone from home 6 or 7 hours hunting and playing in a band for a few hours, you are still away from home and not spending time with the little lady.


Oh yea one other thing 12 pointer my wife and me have a very trusting marrage cause without trust you don't have a relationship if everytime you leave the house or on the phone someone thinks your cheating on them.

[Highbow]

Does the word TRUST come up in discussions with your wife? My wife is jealous and doesn't like the idea but it's part of the world that I work in and many of the volunteers that I work with are women. Yes, the sexual tension can build up and sometimes things unplanned can and do happen. My answer is if she can keep men friends then why can't Corndoggy?

[philipfleek]

Does the word TRUST come up in discussions with your wife? My wife is jealous and doesn't like the idea but it's part of the world that I work in and many of the volunteers that I work with are women. Yes, the sexual tension can build up and sometimes things unplanned can and do happen. My answer is if she can keep men friends then why can't Corndoggy?
ohOhOh, I know this one! It's because it's ok for women but not for men!
Dang I rocked that one. I have two exwives under my belt!:D:D:rolleyes:

[Deer Hunter]

You know everybody is looking at this from a negative point of veiw including myself ! Sure he could continue on and it might end up in divorce, BUTTTT ! He could wind up being the next hit BLUES band to ! Exspecially with a X wife who is a attorney. A guy could sure be singing the BLUES with alot of feeling after going through a divorce like that. :D

[KY_Fried]

One of my best friends is a female, and an attractive one at that. We're both married and neither her husband or my wife have a problem withit, BUT this was addressed the day we became a couple. I told my wife that one of my best friends was a female and that if she had a problem with it then it's not going to work out. She said that was fine and after over a dozen years together it's never once been an issue. If your situation started after you and your wife were together then that could complicate things a bit I guess.
Bottom line, IMO there's nothing wrong with it but it's not worth wrecking your marriage over either. If she trusts you she should be fine with it but if not, you gotta do what you gotta do to keep the wife happy.

[gobbl4me]

ok does this strike anyone else as strange corndoggy has not made one responce to this thread since the original post. Corndoggy where are you?

GET OFF THE PHONE AND COME TALK TO US:D:D:D:D

[CUZZIN]

I have thought the same thing, must have gotten the computer and phone jerked away at the same time:D Come on corn answer up.

[kycrat]

he may be playing a solo britney spears???

[12 pointer]

Ok here are a couple of questions.



Oh yea one other thing 12 pointer my wife and me have a very trusting marrage cause without trust you don't have a relationship if everytime you leave the house or on the phone someone thinks your cheating on them.

I am glad you have that relationshiop. So do I. Exactly as you speak. Put yourself in his position. Lets say you are in a band at Church. The service is over and all is well. Your Phone rings and it's one of the lady band members. You sit and chat for over an hour on non-musical related thinks. This happens time and time again, all days of the week. If your wife doesn't ever have a questionable thought after a while.either two things,,,,,,,, She doesn't know who your talking to or she does not care. What I am saying, if there is nothing to worry about, why create a situation to make the other worry. It's a waste of time. Men and women have a natural sexual attraction. It's natural. You can't tell me that you have never had a sexual thought of any of your female friends. I'm not asking you. just stating you have to have. You are human. Bottom line, his wife will only tolerate it so long. He sholud leave home life and band life totally seperate. That is her territory. not the band members.

[barney]

:D She's nice looking for her age. She's 44, which is 12 years older than me though, so I'm not drooling and such since I'm used to my wife, who looks like she's still in college. Don't want to post pics, seems kinda rude.
cougar; noun, 1. A slang term used to describe an attractive older single woman. 2. an older woman, dressed as a younger woman, usually with overprocessed hair and skin, who likes to seek out and conquer younger men.3.A distinguished species of older females who seek the company of younger males whilst avoiding the entanglements of a relationship, in favor of a lack of restrictions.4. An older woman who frequents clubs in order to score with a much younger man.

Dude, post her pic up, and be the first on ky.hunting.net, with a real life documented encounter, with a Kentucky cougar!:p

[predator1]

In 11 years of marriage I've learned 2 very important rules. #1. The wife is always right. #2. When in doubt refer to #1. Your alot richer with her than without......

[KYHUNTER14]

Dude, post her pic up, and be the first on ky.hunting.net, with a real life documented encounter, with a Kentucky cougar!:p


"Cougar" was exactly what came to my mind too. Not sure it is exactly the proper term. I always pictured a cougar attacking an 18-24 year old, but I guess Corndoggy is close enough at 32.

A 44 year old, attractive for her age, bandmember. I doubt this is her first rodeo.

[Wildcat]

A couple things here.

since my wife is an attorney, she sees divorces all the time, and says it always starts like this.


she has a couple of guy friends whom she used to be really close to and I was supposed to ignore it or at least totally accept it. She went to school with them so supposedly they were like brothers, but she still did some things that I didn't exactly approve of.

First your wife knows what she's talking about, she see it every day in her business and has heard it all. Just like a doctor sees cancer in his business and knows and heard it all about smoking and not smoking.

People will keep saying it will not happen to me but we all are human and humans fail, heck it's in the Bible, we WILL fail.

The other thing is she has a couple good male friends from HER PAST, that's before your time. If you count these then you have some doubts. On the other hand this woman friend of yours is here, now, today, WHILE YOU ARE MARRIED. You wife will surely start to to have some doubts.

Ever if nothing does happen the problem is if your wife ever thought something might be happening or might have happened. That alone is enough to cause big problems in any marrage. It does not mater if it's the husband or the wife, once one of them starts to THINK something might be going on then it's already become a problem.

[maxcam]

Corndoggy all I can say is if you decide to keep the chick in your band then what ever you do remember this piece of advise.....

Dont get mixed up with her......Your wife is an attorney and a women......Not only will she be highly upset but will know exactly how to execute the perfect assault on your wallet........By the time she gets done with you, youll comptemplate castration..........If there is anything left to castrate that is..........:rolleyes:

[barney]

"Cougar" was exactly what came to my mind too. Not sure it is exactly the proper term. I always pictured a cougar attacking an 18-24 year old, but I guess Corndoggy is close enough at 32.

A 44 year old, attractive for her age, bandmember. I doubt this is her first rodeo.
I'd say shes bounced around in the saddle a time or three, maybe even had a rope burn, on occasion....:D

[CUZZIN]

Corndogit this thread has gone on long enough with out a response, get the mick out of your mouth and speak up like a man.

[CUZZIN]

Corndog you started this thread and you wont even reply, man up.

[KYhunter79]

LOL. I think the band woman's husband has came out of the woodwork.

[12 pointer]

LOL. I think the band woman's husband has came out of the woodwork.

That is funny right there.:D

[corndogggy]

Your alot richer with her than without......

Or as Elwood Blues would say... "It's cheaper to keep her". :D

Damn, Cuzzin's gone crazy on me. :D

I do see both sides of the argument, pretty much everybody's right. On the one hand, I find it downright crappy to say that a married man should never have any female friends. On the other hand, I see how it could look horribly bad to the wife.

I guess what I've been wrestling with is the "intent" part of it. I'm completely open as to who I talk to or whatever, its not like I hide anything. Plus I make it very well known that I'd never physically cheat on my wife or anything like that. Therefore I would think that the trust factor should go up quite a bit, but I guess its a touchy subject.

As for sexual tension... I fully believe that guys can have full control of a situation even if that was there. If this was the reason for not having any female friends, then the rule should be that you should never even converse with any even halfway decent looking women, period, which I think is dumb.

And I would say to knock it off with the cougar terms, but then that would look bad, as if I'm taking up for somebody I'm attracted to, which at least does point out the fundamental problem in this whole situation... YOU CAN'T WIN. Which, sucks.

I have a friend who is a bass player in another band and is married, and he is all the time talking to hot girls. I asked him one day what his wife thought about it all. He basically said that the only reason those girls talk to him so freely is because he is so adamant about NEVER cheating on his wife, that they warm up to him alot more because they know he won't hit on them. So, are situations like this more likely to happen when guys are very open about how much they love their wife?

The other day I told my wife something that I fully believe is the reason why we do talk so much... I said "I wish I had enough friends that I could just throw good ones away at your leisure, but I just don't". Therein lies the problem. I only have a few good friends that I can converse with freely. One just happens to have a vagina.

[Art]

Good post, CD. I think you CAN win in this situation. Just keep your tongue in your mouth, your hands in your pocket, and your pants buttoned.

[KYhunter79]

My pride gets in the way a lot of times.

Here is another spin.

I don't think a man and a woman (with atleast 1 being in a relationship) should ever go out 1 on 1. That's basically a date. Also, even if you aren't doing anything wrong and one of your spouses friends sees you and the girl out at dinner or something. That makes your wife look bad. It makes her look like a fool and creates a tense situation.

That's just something I always thought about. What if my wife/girlfriend were out with one of her guy friends eating dinner and one of my friends happened upon them that didn't know the guy. That could create a tense, awkward situation and make me look like a fool.

Talking on the phone or texting or whatever should be fine, really. But, IMO there is no need for 2 grown people in a relationship should ever be hanging out or going out 1 on 1. That's the thing that creates problems. That opens up a lot of doors.

[corndogggy]

My pride gets in the way a lot of times.

Here is another spin.

I don't think a man and a woman (with atleast 1 being in a relationship) should ever go out 1 on 1. That's basically a date. Also, even if you aren't doing anything wrong and one of your spouses friends sees you and the girl out at dinner or something. That makes your wife look bad. It makes her look like a fool and creates a tense situation.

That's just something I always thought about. What if my wife/girlfriend were out with one of her guy friends eating dinner and one of my friends happened upon them that didn't know the guy. That could create a tense, awkward situation and make me look like a fool.

Talking on the phone or texting or whatever should be fine, really. But, IMO there is no need for 2 grown people in a relationship should ever be hanging out or going out 1 on 1. That's the thing that creates problems. That opens up a lot of doors.

I agree with this.

[12 pointer]

My pride gets in the way a lot of times.

Here is another spin.

I don't think a man and a woman (with atleast 1 being in a relationship) should ever go out 1 on 1. That's basically a date. Also, even if you aren't doing anything wrong and one of your spouses friends sees you and the girl out at dinner or something. That makes your wife look bad. It makes her look like a fool and creates a tense situation.

That's just something I always thought about. What if my wife/girlfriend were out with one of her guy friends eating dinner and one of my friends happened upon them that didn't know the guy. That could create a tense, awkward situation and make me look like a fool.

Talking on the phone or texting or whatever should be fine, really. But, IMO there is no need for 2 grown people in a relationship should ever be hanging out or going out 1 on 1. That's the thing that creates problems. That opens up a lot of doors.

Well spoken!!!!!!!!! I 100% agree also. BRAVO!!!!!!!!

[KYhunter79]

Thanks, guys. I watch a lot of Doctor Phil. LOL Only kidding.

[Redlined]

Thanks, guys. I watch a lot of Doctor Phil. LOL Only kidding.

Be careful, comments like that can get your man card revoked:D.............

[AteUp]

Funny story: My wife used to be friends with this younger fella she worked with. I completely trust my wife and didn't care that she was friends with this guy. I asked if he was gay and she said no. I told her he was trying to get in her pants. Every man that knows a good looking woman that he isn't related to thinks about getting with that woman. Doesn't mean all men would, but we think about it. She wouldn't believe it for nothing, said he was just a friend. A group of them used to occasionally meet after work for drinks but one night the only 2 that could go was her and him. She called and asked if I cared if she went. I said I didn't care because I trusted her, but told her I thought it was a little weird. She came home early because, surprise, he acted different when they weren't in a group of people. He was dropping hints about her being an attractive older woman blah, blah, blah. She saw the real story that night and didn't hang out with him again. Who woulda thunk it?:eek:;)

[KYhunter79]

Be careful, comments like that can get your man card revoked:D.............

I knew it was a dangerous situation. That's why I had to make things clear. :D

Funny story: My wife used to be friends with this younger fella she worked with. I completely trust my wife and didn't care that she was friends with this guy. I asked if he was gay and she said no. I told her he was trying to get in her pants. Every man that knows a good looking woman that he isn't related to thinks about getting with that woman. Doesn't mean all men would, but we think about it. She wouldn't believe it for nothing, said he was just a friend. A group of them used to occasionally meet after work for drinks but one night the only 2 that could go was her and him. She called and asked if I cared if she went. I said I didn't care because I trusted her, but told her I thought it was a little weird. She came home early because, surprise, he acted different when they weren't in a group of people. He was dropping hints about her being an attractive older woman blah, blah, blah. She saw the real story that night and didn't hang out with him again. Who woulda thunk it?:eek:;)

I sometimes wonder if females are actually this naive or they just pretend. Every girl I have ever been with I have had to make it clear to them. I'm a guy and I KNOW how we think. There really are VERY few situations where a guy has a girl friend where we aren't entertaining the idea of dating them or getting them in bed.

[Redlined]

I don't think its that they are that naive, I think that they love the attention and playing the little mind games.......

[12 pointer]

I don't think its that they are that naive, I think that they love the attention and playing the little mind games.......

It's that "Natural Instinct" coming in their again. Men are programmed to have the desire and women are programmed to have the desire to be desired. It's wether we can control it or not. anyone who says that don't think about it are lying!

[KYhunter79]

I don't think its that they are that naive, I think that they love the attention and playing the little mind games.......

That's what I think too.

It's that "Natural Instinct" coming in their again. Men are programmed to have the desire and women are programmed to have the desire to be desired. It's wether we can control it or not. anyone who says that don't think about it are lying!


Great post. I agree.

[deadaim]

I guess I'm old school. You guys make it sound like it's an unconscious mistake that you can't control. IMO, nobody that honestly loves and respects their wife or husband would let it get to the point of no return. people cheat to fill a void.

It happens, but I think it's a side effect of a bad marriage or cracks that were present before it ever happened. The simple fix for this is that Corndoggy needs to tell this woman that he enjoys her company, but he enjoys his wife's company more. If she's ok with that, then she's a friend, if not, then he needs to step away from anything but professional contact.


Sometimes its not about what you do but what other people you know or your wife THINK you do.;)

[chadman3_25]

:)Hey scott I found your BIG CAT. IT SURE IS A COUGAR. That is all I have to say Cougar on the loose.

[lymanl3]

Honestly, I think your the victim. None of this is your fault and your wife should understand:rolleyes:

[KYANGOUTDOORSHOTTIE]

From a female perspective the advice i would give you is this. TRY to include your wife with everything. GET them to be friends also so she doesnt feel left out at all. Once you start paying more attention to another woman besides ur wife than jealousy sets in. Staying on the phone with her for an hour is way long for a guy to just be talking on the phone with someone. IF you want to meet to talk about the band meet her for supper with your wife so she knows with no doubt nothing is going on. JUST include her. hopes this helps!!! :)

GOOD luck on your band! what type of music is it are you local to either boone county or meade county?

MAGS :)

[Scott7m]

lol............ it is impossible to have a lady friend who you enjoy talking to that you don't eventually wanna tango with.. i mean c'mon........ you're human. if she was a cow, you wouldn't talk to her regardless, so if she's alright, your gonna want it at some point........... your just setting yourself up for a fight lol

[elkguy]

I must have been sucked into a worm hole and experienced the warping of the fabric of space and time, and crossed over into another dimension. I was looking for Kentuckyhunting.net. Somehow, I ended up in Sensitiverednecks@Cosmopolitan_magazine.com. :D

Now, with that said, I'll chime in. How would you feel if your wife were having numerous 1-hour plus phone conversations with a guy?