Gotta give the best man speech saturday...

[killinmammals]

...and I've never had to give one. I really dont have much of a clue what I'm going to say, but I know a few things I'm NOT going to do.(I've witnessed some really bad ones!) Its for my best friend of almost 20 years, and he said he is limiting me to 5 beers before the speech(oh the stories that could, but shouldn't be told):D:eek:. I'm pretty sure I'm just gonna say what comes to mind, he has been the best friend a man could ask for so I don't think it will be to hard to think up something

[Salty]

The day my daughter married, I told the groom "Don't bear her and don't bring her back"

[Hammer]

if your best man's speech isn't funny, don't bother making it! ;) Treat it like a roast... Talk about how bad your buddy sucks at sports, how bad he shoots a gun, how terrible a fisherman/hunter he is, how awkward he is around women, etc. etc. Make notes and rely on them; if you try to do it off the cuff, it will suck.

Some sports stuff I used a few years ago (most not true, some true :D); let's call your best friend "John".

When he was 10, John finally made contact in his mandatory 1 at bat for his Little League team. He was so excited that his opposite field (late swing) line drive to right field was settling in for a hit that he stood at home and watched. He then realized he should run! John's not very fleet of foot though, and much to the crowd's dismay, he was thrown out at first by the right fielder by a stride and a half.

After the season was over, we would play wiffelball in the front yard. Our game of choice was home run derby. The balls were all taped up with duct tape, and the end of the bat was cut off and 'loaded' with old newspaper. The goal was to hit the ball either over the street into the neighbor's yard or over the bottom power line on the street. I was pitching to John, and as usual, stifling him with my almost unhittable knuckle-curve and screwball. John took a huge swing, whiffed, and the backswing carried his bat right through his bedroom window. It sure took John a lot of yard mowing that summer to repay that! :D

In Junior High, John was riding the pine on the football field as usual. It was rainy and nasty and muddy during the game. All of his buddies who actually got to play would come back to the sidelines and be covered with mud. John's uniform was wet but spotless. He couldn't take it any longer, so he rolled in the mud near the long jump pit to get his uniform dirty. That way, he at least looked like he got in the game! :D

In high school intramurals, John was on a basketball team. Although he was not very good, he was still a gun and a half. If he was within 10 feet of the 3 point line, he was launching. His motto was, "shoot before it gets stolen!"

Shooting pool was always an adventure for John. He prided himself on being excellent with his breaks. One evening he lined up at the triangle of balls, and with all his might he sent the cue ball flying! Too bad his aim was way too low... Christy, the hot chick who he had no chance with before this incident was standing at the table on the other side of the rack of balls. John's cue shot struck her directly in the head causing an immediate gusher of blood followed by a huge goose-egg! WTG, John! The hot girl of your dreams is now on the way to the ER because you suck that bad at pool! :D


As we have matured, we both have taken up golf. Now, neither one of us is that good, but John is of course especially bad. We were playing with 2 other buddies when John stepped up to the tee. He was nervous because his normal tee shot was usually errant, and there was an out-of-bounds to the right which he almost invariably sliced into. To make it worse, the course was backed up because of a brief thunderstorm, and there were 4 4-somes all on the tee box waiting to hit. John carefully teed up his ball, took a few practice swings, and approached his ball. He made solid contact, but it was a low worm burner. His ball hit a large boulder just short of the ladies' tee and came careening back towards us! We ducked fast the ball came to rest amongst the carts of the guys behind us. The whole 'gallery' was doubled over laughing. John went over, picked up his ball, and sat down in the golf cart and said, "I'll take an eight!"

When we first started playing golf, John decided he needed a ball marker like the pros use. He went into the pro shop and asked the pro if he sold ball markers, to which he replied he did. He asked how much they were, and the pro told him $3.00. John produced the money and the pro reached in the till and handed him a penny. John was too dumbfounded and embarrassed to say anything, so he thanked him and left with his new marker, a $3.00 penny! :o

[quackrstackr]

I have to disagree with you, Hammer.

Whether or not to make a funny speech has a whole lot to do with the tone of the wedding and the crowd at the reception.

I've heard some guys try to do a stand up routine that went over like a fart in church except for the select few people that were in on the jokes. Talk about awkward.

killin, if you have been best friends for 20 years you shouldn't have any problems giving a good one. I've had to give a few and the ones for friends that go back that far always just flowed naturally.

[Hammer]

I have to disagree with you, Hammer.

Whether or not to make a funny speech has a whole lot to do with the tone of the wedding and the crowd at the reception.

I've heard some guys try to do a stand up routine that went over like a fart in church except for the select few people that were in on the jokes. Talk about awkward.

killin, if you have been best friends for 20 years you shouldn't have any problems giving a good one. I've had to give a few and the ones for friends that go back that far always just flowed naturally.

we'll just have to disagree then, lol!! Nothing much worse than a stale best man's speech on how great a guy the groom is, how much he'll love his bride, what a great daddy he will be, and how you can't be happier for him. http://www.madjacksports.com/forum/images/smilies/yawn.gif

I do agree that Brian will have to tailor his speech to suit the groom. The ones I mentioned above that are sports related were for my buddy of 25 years who is in the sports radio broadcasting business (and not a good athlete). If the groom was all state in 3 sports, then that stuff won't fly too well, lol!

[slickhead slayer]

Keep it simple, here is the best, best man speech.


( Grooms name ) offered his honor
(Brides name) honored his offer
And the rest of the night he will be on and off her.


Just go with that, its a homerun.

[naturalelite]

I have given 4 best man speeches and your better off if you wing it from the hip. The first one I gave was in front of several hundred people at a Catholic wedding in Louisville. Those catholic weddings are awesome. It doesn't matter what you say no one will remember it the next day. I was scared to death. I had practiced it for a week and when I got up there I went blank. I just started talking and a few minutes later everyone was clapping or crying so I figured I did alright.

[quackrstackr]

and a few minutes later everyone was clapping or crying

You seem to have that effect everywhere you go.



:D

[Auk1124]

Just don't mention the bride's rack or your buddy's last girlfriend, and you'll be all right.

[nwest]

If you want to roast him watch the Bob Saget roast on comedy central. Good luck

[killinmammals]

Just don't mention the bride's rack or your buddy's last girlfriend, and you'll be all right.
Oh the places I could have gone with that...since I have seen them both without shirts....haha...long story...crazy parties we used to throw...anyway
If you want to roast him watch the Bob Saget roast on comedy central. Good luck
That was hilarious...not as good as the flava flav roast though.
The speach went good...or so I'm told. I couldn't really throw to many jokes or anything in. His now father in law is sort of up-tight and alot of other people seemed to be too. Got alot of laughs, and hear a BUNCH of hot...really really hot girls go AHHHH for the toast....they all told me that I gave probably one of the best speeches and toast they have ever heard. Then my fiance came walkin up and ruined my game:D...she said she couldn't let the vultures come try and grab me up:D