jokes

[nwest]

Guilty

Scene: A court room in Oklahoma where a person is on trial for murder.
There is strong evidence indicating guilt; however, there is no
corpse. In the defense's closing statement the lawyer, knowing that
his client is guilty and that it looks like he'll probably be
convicted, resorts to a clever trick. "Ladies and gentlemen of the
jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer says as he looks at
his watch. "Within 1 minute, the person presumed dead in this case
will walk into this court room," he says and he looks toward the
courtroom door. The jury, somewhat stunned, all look on eagerly. A
minute passes. Nothing happens. Finally the lawyer says: 'Actually, I
made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with
anticipation. I, therefore, put it to you that there is reasonable
doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you
return a verdict of not guilty." The jury, clearly confused, retires
to deliberate. A very few minutes later, the jury returns and a
representative pronounces a verdict of guilty. "But how?" inquires the
lawyer. "You must have had some doubt; I saw all of you stare at the
door." Answers the representative: "Oh, we did look. But your client
didn't."

[nwest]

On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached
a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that she
move to coach since she did not have a first class ticket. The blonde
replied, "I'm blonde; I'm beautiful; I'm going to New York; and I'm
not moving."
Not wanting to argue with a customer, the flight attendant asked the
co-pilot to speak with her. He went to talk with the woman, asking her
to please move out of the first class section. Again, the blonde
replied, "I'm blonde; I'm beautiful; I'm going to New York, and I'm
not moving."
The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what he
should do. The captain said, "I'm married to a blonde, and I know how
to handle this."
He went to the first class section and whispered in the blonde's ear.
She immediately jumped up and ran to the coach section mumbling to
herself, "Why didn't someone just say so?"
Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked what he said to
her that finally convinced her to move from her seat. He said, "I told
her the first class section wasn't going to New York."

[nwest]

A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer." The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone. However he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe, "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer. That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark: "That's Strange!"