golf jokes, PG

[Hammer]

A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a heart attack!

'Help me dear,' she groans to her husband.

The husband calls 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few minutes, picks up his putter, and lines up his putt.

His wife raises her head off the green and stares at him. 'I'm dying over here and you're putting?'

'Don't worry dear', says the husband calmly, 'they found a doctor on the second hole and he's coming to help you'.

'Well how long will it take for him to get here', she asks feebly?

'No time at all', says her husband. 'Everybody's already agreed to let him play through'

[Hammer]

A man, while playing on the front nine of a complicated golf course, became confused as to where he was on the course. Looking around,
he saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her, explained his confusion and asked her if she knew what hole he was playing.

"I'm on the 7th hole," she replied, "and you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole."

He thanked her and went back to his golf. On the back nine, the same thing happened and he approached her again with the same request.
"I'm on number 14, and you 're still a hole behind, so you must be on the 13th hole."

Once again he thanked her and returned to his play.

He finished his round and went to the clubhouse where he saw the same lady sitting at the end of the bar. He asked the bartender if he knew the lady. The bartender said that she was a sales lady and played the course often. He approached her and said, "Let me buy you a drink in appreciation for your help. I understand that you're in the sales profession. I'm in sales also. What do you sell?"

"I'll tell you, but you're going to laugh," she replied.

"No, I won't," he replied.

"Well, if you must know," she answered, "I work for Tampax."

With that, he laughed so hard he almost fell off the bar stool.

"See," she said. "I knew you'd laugh!"

"That's not what I'm laughing at," he replied. "I'm a salesman for Preparation H, so I'm still a hole behind you."

[Hammer]

Toward the end of the golf course, Ateup somehow managed to hit his ball into the woods, finding it in a patch of pretty yellow buttercups. Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch.

All of a sudden .... POOF! In a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared. She said, "I'm
Mother Nature! Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups? Just for that, you won't have any butter for your popcorn for the rest of your life; better still; you won't have any
butter for your toast for the rest of your life. As a matter of fact, you won't have any butter for anything the rest of your life!"

THEN, POOF .... she was gone. After Ateup got hold of himself, he hollered for his friend, WBBP. "Kalen, where are you?"

Kalen yelled back, "I'm over here, in the pussy willows." Ateup yelled back, "DON'T SWING, KALEN!! For the love of God, DON'T SWING!!! http://www.madjacksports.com/forum/images/smilies/00x12.gif
http://www.madjacksports.com/forum/images/smilies/00x12.gif

http://www.madjacksports.com/forum/images/smilies/00x12.gif

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[Hammer]

Groundskeeper at trust me's local course comes running up to him out on course--"we got a problem, trust me --one of our lady members got stung by those hornets between the 1st and 2nd hole--what should I do"
Trust Me: "Tell her that her stance is too wide."

http://www.madjacksports.com/forum/images/smilies/00x12.gif

[Mepperson]

I don't play golf, but that was funny, I don't care who you are!

[C.L.Button]

Good stuff Hammer ! :D

[killinmammals]

those are great!:D

[MsgMills]

I really enjoyed those jokes, especially the one about the Buttercups.:D

[aceoky]

Those were awesome! Thanks Hammer for posting them.