mossyhorns
03-16-2007, 08:18 AM
Disassociated Press
Durham, NC
Assault Charges Against VCU Players Dismissed
Charges of assault brought by members of the Duke men's basketball team against the VCU basketball program were thrown out this morning by a local judge in Virginia. An obviously beaten and battered Duke basketball team was seen boarding an International Travel-all bearing the school's logo for the trip back to Durham.
"We was robbed," commented Duke coach Kruskeeluuskee. "Anyone with any basketball smarts at all can tell these here boys was buggered up pretty bad by them VCU players."
According to documents smuggled out between pages of Dick Vitail's copy of "Nude Boys Quarterly," the indictment claimed that members of the VCU Men's basketball team lured the Dukies onto the floor under the pretense of providing the storied program with just another harmless, roll-over-play-dead twinkie match up courtesy of the NCAA Selection Committee. Instead, the document alleges that the VCU players had their way with the Dukies for two twenty minute sessions.
In a statement issued by Virginia Circuit Court Judge and VCU alumni Hon. Tyme Lee Justice, "Em'ar boys was sho'nuff beat up an' sho did lookee like they'd had ther pannies taken down -- but after watching a replay of the game, it's the 'pinion of this here court that them'ar boys asked fer it and had it coming."
The "asked fer it and had it coming" doctrine is considered a legal defense against assault in the Commonwealth of Virginia.
"B'sides," added Judge Justice, "that thar coach of thers makes ol' Ned Beatty look like one of them thar Sports Illustriated swimsuit models."
Durham, NC
Assault Charges Against VCU Players Dismissed
Charges of assault brought by members of the Duke men's basketball team against the VCU basketball program were thrown out this morning by a local judge in Virginia. An obviously beaten and battered Duke basketball team was seen boarding an International Travel-all bearing the school's logo for the trip back to Durham.
"We was robbed," commented Duke coach Kruskeeluuskee. "Anyone with any basketball smarts at all can tell these here boys was buggered up pretty bad by them VCU players."
According to documents smuggled out between pages of Dick Vitail's copy of "Nude Boys Quarterly," the indictment claimed that members of the VCU Men's basketball team lured the Dukies onto the floor under the pretense of providing the storied program with just another harmless, roll-over-play-dead twinkie match up courtesy of the NCAA Selection Committee. Instead, the document alleges that the VCU players had their way with the Dukies for two twenty minute sessions.
In a statement issued by Virginia Circuit Court Judge and VCU alumni Hon. Tyme Lee Justice, "Em'ar boys was sho'nuff beat up an' sho did lookee like they'd had ther pannies taken down -- but after watching a replay of the game, it's the 'pinion of this here court that them'ar boys asked fer it and had it coming."
The "asked fer it and had it coming" doctrine is considered a legal defense against assault in the Commonwealth of Virginia.
"B'sides," added Judge Justice, "that thar coach of thers makes ol' Ned Beatty look like one of them thar Sports Illustriated swimsuit models."